You’ll find the player on the page. Some children with overwhelmed parents use perfectionism to try to exact control over themselves and others in order to feel more safe and secure. They model their value of a perfect family, house, and appearance through achieving at extremely high levels and attaining academic, career, or monetary success. Instead of trying to avoid mistakes and failures, reframe them as normal and an essential part of your growth. 901 Campisi Way #150 As a recovering “perfectionistic good girl” I have a long road ahead but I want so much to change, I’m fed up.. Sharon Martin, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and codependency expert practicing in San Jose, CA. Some pages contain affiliate links meaning that I receive a small commission when you purchase through the link. Most people don’t want a friend or partner who’s perfect. Website Terms of Use amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; Perfectionism means we never feel good enough because we base our self-worth on what we do, what we achieve, and what others think of us.
Perfectionist thinking drives our perfectionist, controlling, inflexible behavior. As a result of growing up in a competitive world, we internalize feelings of not being “as good as” or “not having enough”. So, how can you find balance? For example, if you don’t believe that asking for help is a good thing, you can ask yourself why you believe this, where did this belief come from, is it helpful, are there any exceptions. amzn_assoc_asins = "159285849X"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; These are all signs of that perfectionism. I just know it!”. Her mother worked full-time as a bank teller, four nights a week waiting tables, and occasionally helped her sister cater parties on the weekend. Everyone struggles and is imperfect. Sharon is also the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism. There’s no room for errors or flaws and no compassion for mistakes and imperfections. This site is for informational purposes only. People-pleasing is not only tiring and unrealistic, it isn’t honest and true. Sharon@SharonMartinCounseling.com, Home Yet, perfectionists often find themselves disconnected from their values and fearing other’s judgment. amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; And while there’s nothing wrong with hard work and high standards, perfectionism can take over your life if you let it. Perfectionism is a way for children of distracted parents to either get noticed or help their parents out. We feel flawed and inadequate, so we try to prove our worth through achievements, always demanding more of ourselves in order to feel worthy. It means we criticize ourselves relentlessly when we make mistakes and see them as fatal flaws rather than a natural part of the learning process.
If so, you may be a perfectionist. Do you have unrealistically high expectations? Underneath perfectionism is a desire for approval and to connect. The Likeability Trap with Alicia Menendez, 162. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Sometimes, we mistakenly believe that perfectionism is the same as striving for excellence, but in most cases, it doesn’t actually motivate us or help us accomplish more. In the beginning, affirmations can feel uncomfortable because they’re a different way of thinking.
Overcoming perfectionism is about dialing back the rigid, perfectionist thought patterns, learning to treat ourselves with grace and kindness, and balancing work with rest, play, and meaningful relationships. Live Well with Sharon Martin | Psychotherapist & Counselor, San Jose, CA.
amzn_assoc_asins = "039916510X"; To see sample pages or purchase a copy on Amazon, click HERE. Your perfectionist thinking is probably well entrenched. And that’s why it’s helpful to look at how we were influenced by our early experiences with our parents. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website.
I will give myself grace when I make a mistake.
Kids come up with distorted thoughts such as If I got better grades, my dad wouldn’t be so stressed out or If I were a perfect kid, my mom wouldn’t drink so much. Perfectionists and HSPs share many of the same traits. Liked it? Sometimes we give up because the pressure to be perfect is too much.